I was honored that mom allowed me the privilege of selecting the “Vow Ceremony” she and daddy would use the night of their 50th wedding anniversary celebration.

As I’ve mentioned before, Lillie loved rituals and ceremonies.  She had a book of litanies for any occasion that she would employ as we celebrated the traditional holidays, i.e. Christmas, Easter, and New Year’s — and I’m not just talking about rituals used for church services that she planned and implemented; no!  I’m talking about ceremonies we would have at the house or in a restaurant or someplace intimate.  When both my girls turned 13, for example, mom arranged a women’s-only “Coming of Age” ceremony and night out, and on the table at the restaurant she would have beautifully printed programs and gifts for the girls and the other attendees.  To her, those times were precious milestones, a rite of passage, and a pivotal point in their adolescent development that she felt should be marked, and while I don’t remember having one when I turned 13, I believe that “life” showed her the importance of celebrating each stage of our lives, so we were grateful beneficiaries of her benevolence.

Even when Ashley got her driver’s license and mom and dad had decided to gift her with her “first car”, a well-preserved Toyota Camry that mom used to drive everywhere for years and that Ashley would now call her “Cam Cam”, mom designed a program at the house with a scripture, prayer, hymn, litany, and a brief homily by both her and daddy to talk about the importance of legacies and gratitude and responsibility.  We kind of chuckled at first that mom would go to such lengths for this occasion, but she took it seriously, and soon . . . so did we, and Ashley would end the ceremony in tears.  Then we had dinner.  And those were just a few of many instances like that.  Each was wonderful.  Each was momentous because that’s how Lillie wanted us to remember them.

So it was only fitting that we would have a vow ceremony for mom and dad’s 50th Wedding Anniversary celebration.  Again, as I’ve mentioned in previous weeks, mom was a researcher, so she sought out four specific vow ceremonial rituals that she liked and sent them to me to review and to decide upon “the one” I thought would be most fitting since I, of course (as she always reminded me), was the one in charge of the big event.  That was huge for me, but I accepted the challenge.  Ultimately, I chose the 4th one she sent because I too love symbolism, motifs and metaphors, like momma, because of their broader spiritual, contextual and even universal implications.  That’s one of the reasons why I love literature so much, and even moreso, why I love to teach it.

Anyway, as we all look toward this coming weekend and the calendared date for “love”, I admonish each of you to consider the vow ceremony that I’m about to share.  Carve out a time and space in your home or wherever you feel peace and love this weekend, and perform the ritual.  Invite your children, friends, or loved ones to take part in the ceremony as well.  Be intentional about this marked time of recommitment.

Some of you may think that it’s “over the top” to do such things, but I honestly believe that Lillie was on to something with the concept of honoring moments of remembrance like this.  It’s when times get tough in relationships that one can reach back and remember “why I got married” in the first place, or why God chose this life-mate for me.  Therefore, it is my hope that in the living rooms of all those who cherish the memory of even my dear mother all over the globe will read through and ponder the broader implications of what the vessel means and what the rose means.  Then perform the ceremony.

Reach back out to me in this forum in the Comments section to tell me about the experience you have.  Talk to those in Lillieland about what the symbols mean or have meant to you and your significant other.

I pray it blesses you ~~

THE OPENING

Fred and Lillie…

Today you have chosen to reconfirm your commitment to continue working together to make your marriage grow and blossom in the years to come.

May this ceremony, renewing the vows you took to become husband and wife on your wedding day, remind you that despite the inevitable stresses which occur in every life, your love, respect, trust and understanding of each other will increase your contentment and heighten your joy in living as husband and wife.

Please face each other and join hands. 

RENEWAL OF VOWS

Fred, will you continue to have Lillie as your wife and continue to live in this happy and loving marriage?

Fred: I WILL

Do you reaffirm your love for her, and will you love, honor and cherish her in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, for better for worse, and forsaking all others, be faithful to her for as long as you both shall live?

Fred: I DO

Lillie, will you continue to have Frederick as your husband and continue to live in this happy and loving marriage?

Lillie: I WILL

Do you reaffirm your love for him, and will you love, honor and cherish him in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, for better for worse, and forsaking all others, be faithful to him for as long as you both shall live?

Lillie: I DO

READING

From Colossians 3, verses 12 to 17

Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;

Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also [do] ye.

And above all these things [put on] charity, which is the bond of perfectness.

And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful.

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.

And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, [do] all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.

THE MARRIAGE VESSEL AND THE ROSE CEREMONY

Marriage is a commitment to learning to care for one another in mutually fulfilling ways. It is not an act but a life-long relationship always in the making. 

To symbolize today’s reaffirmation of that commitment, Fred and Lillie, you will now share two symbolic gifts, a marriage vessel and a rose. 

(The marriage vessel and the rose SHALL be placed on a TABLE OR STAND)

 THE MEANING OF THE GIFTS

The officiant acknowledges the marriage vessel and the rose and repeats the following:

The vessel and the rose are symbols for God as Creator and Sustainer of Life – the One who invites us to overcome separateness and find fulfillment in the sharing of one life with another.

 THE VESSEL

The officiant picks up the vessel.

 In the biblical story of creation, “The Lord formed the human from the clay of the ground…”

 This vessel of clay, lovingly shaped, is a symbol of love’s strength and endurance. The miracle of the vessel is that it not only protects but is enriched by that which it holds.

 THE ROSE

The officiant picks up the rose.

And in the words of the prophet, where relationships create love and compassion, even “the desert shall …bloom, like the rose”.

 This rose, born of the tiniest of seeds, is a symbol of the potential and beauty contained in love’s promises.

 In the merging of the spirit-filled vessel and the fragrant rose / we proclaim a new relationship, a new future / one which love has unfolded and is unfolding before our very eyes. / May we ever respect the sanctity of this gift.

 THE GIVING

Officiant hands rose to the Fred, who repeats after the officiant:

 Lillie, May this gift represent my Gratitude / for the person you are / And the person I am becoming.

(Lillie takes the rose.)

 Officiant hands vessel to Lillie, who repeats after the officiant:

Frederick, May this gift represent my Gratitude / for all you have given me / And all we will share together.

(Frederick takes the vessel.)

 THE SHARING

Lillie places her rose in the vessel, which Fred & Lillie both hold. the officiant reads the following:

As your gifts bring beauty and purpose to each other, / May your lives continue / to enrich and strengthen one another.

Couple hands vessel and rose to officiant.

 GROWING TOGETHER

Fred and Lillie, as you share each passing day and as your days become years, may you continue to celebrate this tradition to remind one another of your love and commitment to each other.

Let the marriage vessel and the rose continue to be a symbol of the beauty and strength you bring to each other. And, on your wedding anniversaries, may you add an additional rose to this marriage vessel in affirmation and renewal of your ever-growing love for one another.

 

READING

In so doing, contemplate these beautiful, ancient and wise words:  

You and I have so much love
That it burns like a fire
In which we bake a lump of clay
Molded into a figure of you
And a figure of me.
Then we take both of them
And break them into pieces
And mix the pieces with water
And mold again a figure of you,
And a figure of me.
I am in your clay. You are in my clay…

— Kaun Tao-Sheng, 13th Century A.D.

A BLESSING

May you now go forth together in the love of God. Go forth with hope and joy and a heart full of dreams. Continue to give and to receive and to share. For the old things have passed away and a new heaven and a new earth are now your dwelling place.

Go and live with joy, peace, and love.

Amen.

THE CLOSING

Fred and Lillie, today you have renewed the promises and vows you made to each other on your wedding day 50 years ago. You have symbolized the renewal of the marriage union by the joining of hands, the taking of vows, and by the symbolism of the vessel and rose ceremony.

It is with pleasure that I conclude the ceremony of renewing the vows of marriage that joined you and forever binds you as husband and wife. Please celebrate this renewal of vows with a sign of affection…. You may kiss!

In love and charity,

Giselle