“We had the experience but missed the meaning.” – T.S. Eliot

With my mother, everything had meaning.

When I first read the T.S. Eliot quotation she placed at the beginning of her prologue (of How I Got Over), I wondered what she could have meant by putting it there. Then I began to think about myself and those things/thoughts/behaviors that have kept me from being authentically present when “experiences” or significant-making moments were happening that deserved my full attention.  I could have been in conversation with someone; I could have been in church service; I could have been in a meeting; I could have been standing in front of my class teaching; or I could have even been up early in the morning praying and having my devotion/meditation time with the Lord, and I would have “missed the meaning.”  I wonder how many times I have honestly and truly missed the true meaning of experiences because my mind was somewhere else, or my feelings had my heart in turmoil.  I may just be talking about myself in this blog entry, but I believe we all ultimately miss meaning in meaningful ways that requires our attention. If God is bringing us to certain experiences, we should be paying attention.

We miss meaning in our experiences when we are preoccupied in our thoughts.  We miss meaning in our experiences when we are distracted. We miss meaning in our experiences when we are focused on “those people” or “that person” who is hurting us.  We miss meaning in our experiences when we are sick because our minds are fixed on the pain and that next dosage of medicinal relief.

“Being fully present” was the #1 requirement on my mother’s list of expectations for all her workshop trainings.  The participant would then be instructed to sign an Agreement form indicating that he or she consented to comply with that and other rules of engagement.  I don’t think she resorted to collecting their cell phones (as grown folks), but her participants understood that her request was not merely a suggestion, but a mandate.  Her participants always complied.

In actuality, I believe that expectation is something that we should all apply in our lives, and that could be the lesson that mom was intending to convey.  We need to be fully engaged or we don’t need to participate at all.  That’s tough to say, because again, in many ways, I’m talking to myself.  Yet at this juncture in my own life, I can’t afford to miss the meaning of any of my experiences.  Having said that, I must address my distractions.

I’m busy. I’m hurt. I’m tired. I’m stressed.  All of these things are tied to people and extraneous things, feelings and emotions that cloud perspective, that keep me in bondage, and that stifle my growth. Personally, I’m tired of giving my control and power away to people who could care less about me, whose own insecurities and ill-intentions get deflected to me to make me feel inadequate or less than (which is a subtle form of bullying), and who have an axe to grind with me that has no genesis or origin that’s connected to anything at all.   Unfortunately, these are distractions from the enemy, and because they are connected to actual people who just happen to be my co-workers, co-worshippers, co-leaders, etc., it makes it hard not to think about what I may have done to them or what I may need to do for damage control or to fix whatever may be wrong, even when I don’t know the origin of the matter.  That’s too much pressure.  So while an experience may be happening, my mind would be busy strategizing, trying to figure stuff out, speculating, rehearsing scenarios, and so on.  Again, the point is that all these things going on internally has diverted my focus, thrown me off, and rendered me preoccupied when I should have been paying attention.

It’s difficult to grow when we’re in shackles.  Our shackles sometimes dress themselves up in self-righteousness, especially when we attach our issues to what or who we perceive to be our “problem.”  That person or that thing is our “thorn in the flesh” that we attempt to thwart by preaching to it or persecuting it when instead we should be thanking God for it to keep us humble and dependent on the Lord.  When we fixate on the thorn, it becomes an idol, something we worship.

Indeed, it is difficult to learn something new when we think we already know it all or when our obsession with what or who we feel is the source of our pain preoccupies us.  It is also difficult to learn anything when we stay in “victim” mode.  We can’t be victims and victorious at the same time.  Nor can God fill a cup that’s already full.   We end up limiting ourselves and God that way.  We end up shortchanging ourselves. We end up removing the very thing that is necessary for us to move to the next level.

I could really go on here because my life has been riddled with distractions, hurtful and disappointing situations, mean people, bills, bad decisions, procrastination, estranged relationships, and so on, but at the end of the day, those things are mere distractions that divert my attention away from the One who is bigger than all of them!  I could go on to talk about how I will, one by one, as best I can, allow God to redeem the time, to do the mending, and to give me peace about certain situations so that I will no longer have to brood and cry over them.  Again, at the end of the day, He’s asked me to cast my cares on Him because He cares for me.  I’m not even going to ask God to remove those situations and people because I most certainly can’t control them, but I can control me and what I allow into my spirit.  My spirit is starting to repel the very presence of strife and ill-will; my body can no longer stand the spiritual darts intended to steal my joy and render me ineffective in the body of Christ.  The devil is a lie!

So just like God said to Paul, I know He’s saying to me: “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness,” so I’m choosing to change my posture and my response.  I’m going to start paying attention when life brings me to meaningful experiences.

Mom was always intentional about creating spaces for meaning to occur.  She was intentional about nurturing her relationships.  She made certain to celebrate every significant occurrence in our lives, no matter how big or small the ordeal.  Authentic experiences were important to her.

She understood that experiences devoid of meaning were meaningless.  Perhaps that’s why she started her book that way.  Are you paying attention?

In love and charity,
Giselle